revolvings: (pic#14396494)
Max Evans ([personal profile] revolvings) wrote in [community profile] enduringvoices2023-03-18 08:39 pm

So much better than never have I ever...



The buzz was settling in smooth along Max's skin, and he was feeling absolutely no pain right now. It was enough that he and Michael were in this texting discussion, but the topic was absolutely insane. Having walked the short distance over to where Michael was staying currently, Max knocked on the door after the last text came back. He felt terrible for giving his brother such a warped view of him. At least he came bearing gifts. A bottle of tequila and a couple of shot glasses, along with a bag of already cut limes. All Michael had to do was supply the salt.

"Wow. I’m flattered. You really know how to make a man feel special.

Who said I wasn’t drinking? I just wasn’t planning on drinking drinking but fuck it. You’re right we’ve been at odds pushing against each other for too long. We’re idiots. I was just so fucked up back then.

You got your dick pierced?! And both your…Ok I take it back. I’m vanilla. You out freak me. I’m scared to find out what else I don’t know.

You go. I’m processing."
cosmiccowboy: (Touch)

[personal profile] cosmiccowboy 2023-03-31 09:00 pm (UTC)(link)
I mean with this kind of treatment? I’m not going anywhere. [He laughs, breathless, tangling his legs with Max’s. He was still coming down from the high of his last orgasm which was somehow even more intense than the first. He feels warm and tingly, like the electric static lingering in the air after a lightening storm and his limbs feel heavy as he cuddles close to the man under him.

He jokes with Max but that’s his default when things are intense. He has never made love like that before, ever, and it leaves him feeling raw and vulnerable, his chest a little too tight. What they shared, he knows, is once in a lifetime-fucking written in the stars- kind of stuff. It was terrifying. But this was Max. The same Max Michael had spent years pushing away and fighting and the same Max he has tried to protect in his own way all their lives. Michael knows he’s not running from this and if he ever tries he hopes Max’s stubborn ass doesn’t let him as always. But he owes this man more than a joke.]


I have never been able to leave you. Even when things got really fucked up here for me when we were younger… [He places his hand on Max’s chest, over the same spot where Max’s handprint marked his own and ducks his head to avert his eyes. Talking about the past wasn’t easy, even after everything they’ve been through.] I stayed for you.
cosmiccowboy: (sad)

[personal profile] cosmiccowboy 2023-04-01 02:23 am (UTC)(link)
Hey- [Seeing Max cry, hearing those words, it broke his heart. Michael had known, deep down that Max couldn’t forgive himself for what happened, for how things ended up. That was Max. He was selfless and unforgivingly hard on himself. The guy literally died to try to fix the past for the person he loved. But Michael couldn’t start thinking about that or he was going to spiral.

He felt so guilty for fighting Max tooth and nail all these years, for making his life hell. They had been punishing each other for so long…and now he can see how it tears him up inside still. The weight of the world on his shoulders always. At the end of the day Michael made his decisions and he would do it all again to protect the people he loves. It wasn’t Max’s fault and he hates himself for blaming him for so long. When you grow up a scared, lonely kid fighting to survive it’s hard to let that go.]


Max, it’s ok. Don’t apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for. I love you. Always. [There was so much pain in their past, so much hurt but there was so much good. He gives Max a squeeze, feeling his own eyes burn with the threat of tears and he tries not very successfully to blink them away.]

Look at me. [He nudges Max gently, waiting for him to look up and meet his eyes. When he finally does, Michael holds Max’s chin with gentle fingers and leans in to press his lips to the tears on Max’s cheeks, right and then left before kissing him softly on the mouth.]

You, Max Evans, have always been there for me even when I was difficult to love. We’re even ok? You don’t need to thank me. This right here? Us? This is everything. There is no me without you.
cosmiccowboy: (sad boi)

[personal profile] cosmiccowboy 2023-04-01 06:31 pm (UTC)(link)
Says the guy that said his goodbyes and is supposed to be leaving for Oasis. [The plan had always been terrifying and a bit painful but now it was downright unbearable. If Max left, Michael knew he would do everything in his power to go with him. Yes, they had lives here but Max is what keeps him here. He also knew, when Max made up his mind about something there was no stopping him. He was the savior after all, Michael couldn't afford to be that selfish.

He can feel the anxiety, the inkling of doubt creeping around the edges of their connection and in Max's touch, like if he let go, Michael would slip away. He tilts his head into Max's fingers and squeezes his arms around him just as tightly. They probably should head to the shower or at least the bed which they never made it to but separating enough to get up seems like an enormous task.]


I'm scared too. I know you have doubts and I don't blame you. I'm going to prove myself to you, Max, I promise. I'm not saying this is going to be easy but I don't want you to ever have to doubt that I love you. If I have to follow you to another planet, I will. I'm not letting go of you.
cosmiccowboy: neverlooksaway (teary)

[personal profile] cosmiccowboy 2023-04-02 03:54 pm (UTC)(link)
[How could he have been so blind? All these years and he never knew. The rush of images and memories and feelings is overwhelming and silent tears roll down his cheeks as he stares at Max in wonder. He grew up thinking he was the kid nobody loved and always thought Max watched out for him out of some misplaced sense of duty or pity but he had been so wrong.

If Max had gone through Michael's memories, he would have seen Michael watching Max even when he kept his distance, desperate to be close but too damaged and scared. looking out for Max, trying to protect him time and again. He would have felt the immense relief Michael felt when he was sent back to Roswell even though it was the worst of all his foster homes because it meant he would see Max again and would be able to look out for him and Isobel. He would have seen Michael broken and alone out in the desert so many nights when whatever asshole the state gave him to at the time became too much. There were so many nights he spent in the desert wishing Max was there. He would have seen all the times Michael pushed him away when it was the opposite he wanted. How he hated himself even more after. He would feel the all consuming grief Michael felt when Max died and how he almost gave up on everything but didn't, for Max because he will never give up on him. He would know there is no competition for him in Michael's life and there never has been.]


Max, I never knew...I'm sorry. For everything. [He whispers shakily and kisses him. The kiss is soft and sweet. He can taste Max and the salt of tears and he tries to convey everything he can't find the words to say.

When he pulls away, he wipes at his eyes and laughs quietly.]
Man, what was in that tequila?
cosmiccowboy: (profile)

[personal profile] cosmiccowboy 2023-04-03 01:16 am (UTC)(link)
I don't know. I think I like you dirty. [As much as he would happily lay there forever or at least until their backs started hurting from the cheap couch, Max was right; they were in desperate need of a bath and Michael could think of much worse things than taking a hot bath with the man in front of him right now.]

Remind me to do surveys with you more often then. [He grabs Max's hand and leads him down the hall to the bathroom. It's nothing special, small but clean and at least he actually has a full shower now. This place was barely a step up from his airstream but it was what he could afford at such short notice after Alex left. He drops Max's hand to turn the water on and let it heat up. It was finicky and sometimes took a minute to get hot. Once he was sure it was a good temperature he stepped in and held his hand out for Max to join him, pulling him under the warm spray.]

Next time we can take a bath but if I get in the tub with you now you're going to be carrying me out. [The hot water felt amazing, soothing his sore muscles and he can't help but groan contentedly. Even the sting of the water on some of the harsher marks left by Max's mouth felt good, a reminder of what they had shared. He grabs the soap and a washcloth and takes a step toward Max, closing the small distance between them. Max is breathtaking standing there under the water, watching him. Michael brings the washcloth to his skin and starts gently scrubbing over his shoulders, his chest, his stomach, taking his time as if discovering Max's body for the first time.] God, you're beautiful.
cosmiccowboy: (looking at lips)

[personal profile] cosmiccowboy 2023-04-03 03:49 pm (UTC)(link)
[All of this still felt almost like a dream, like he would wake up in the morning to find he had gotten drunk and passed out alone on his couch again. But Max’s body was very solid and real under his hands and Max’s hands, those hands that could work miracles, could bring people back to life, or take life and take Michael apart with just those hands, those were very real.]

Yeah, yeah okay. Says the guy who looks like he came out of a rugged cowboy wet dream. [He laughs, fingers ghosting over the bruises he left on Max’s hips before inching lower, sliding over his length. His touch was tender, loving and even in the haze of exhaustion, he was tempted to linger. If he got to touch this man every day for the rest of his life it wouldn’t be enough but he knew the hot water wouldn’t last long so he kept on task, hands massaging over his thighs and around to his ridiculously perfect ass. This time he let himself linger.]

Okay, now I need to know. Have you masturbated to thoughts of me before?
cosmiccowboy: (seriously)

[personal profile] cosmiccowboy 2023-04-03 06:25 pm (UTC)(link)
[Heat stirs in his stomach and he tilts his head back as Max mouths along his neck, their bodies pressed close, warm and slick from the hot water. It’s almost like being a teenager again, he thinks, and he feels light, his stomach fluttering and his heartbeat quickening with every touch. He wonders if he’ll always feel this way, if his body will react every time Max enters the room or their eyes meet or even the smallest of touches. God, he was doomed.]

I’ve thought about you too, you know. I just thought I was fucked up but I would lay there sometimes in my truck out in the desert wishing you were there, imaging your hands or your mouth taking care of me, crying out your name in the middle of nowhere in the bed of my truck.

[He closes his eyes for a moment, lost in the feeling of Max’s body, his lips on his skin and then something Max said dawns on him and he places his hands on Max’s hips, pulling back enough to look at him.] Wait, the first time you kissed a guy you thought about me?
cosmiccowboy: (Malex forehead touch)

[personal profile] cosmiccowboy 2023-04-03 09:06 pm (UTC)(link)
[Hearing about that place made the anger flare in him every time. It made him sick to think of Max trapped there, forced into unimaginable situations. They’ve all been tortured and thrown into horrible situations especially over the last few years but this was different. Max had been alone. Michael couldn’t protect him, he didn’t even know, and then he came back and dealt with the aftermath by himself.

He rests his forehead against Max’s, taking a deep breath to steady himself. This wasn’t about him, this was about Max and he was relieved Max was confusing in him even if he couldn’t go back and change the past.]


It wasn’t wrong, Max. You’re the strongest person I know. I can’t imagine what you went through. If I could have been there with you I would have. Or trade places… [There wouldn’t even be any hesitation. If he could have traded places with Max and saved him from going through that place he would have. He was in awe of the man in front of him to go through something like that after Jones and losing Liz and still come out the other side with an incredible capacity to love. ]

You’re wrong about one thing though. It wasn’t that I didn’t like you. I don’t know. I was angry a lot. All the time. But I think that I fought you so much and pushed you away partly because I was scared. I think I knew deep down that there was something. I was terrified of how I felt. And I felt like I was such a disappointment and a fuck up to you. But it wasn’t just you, Max. I felt it too.
cosmiccowboy: (Watching)

[personal profile] cosmiccowboy 2023-04-04 01:26 am (UTC)(link)
[Michael gave as good as he got and didn’t hold back. He poured out all the longing, and hurt, and fear, and most of all love. He gave it again and again until he couldn’t tell where he ended and Max began. Kissing Max always felt like a fire lit under his skin, burning him up from the inside until he can barely breathe. He doesn’t even realize they’re both shivering until they come up for air and he knows it’s not just from the cold bathroom air on their wet skin.

Pulling away is no easy feat which he’s starting to realize might be a problem for him. Max was like a magnetic force pulling him in but the promise of Max in his warm bed won out. Stepping out, he grabs a towel and tosses one to Max, making quick work of drying off as much as possible.]


Let’s go to bed. [He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t a little nervous when he closes the bedroom door behind them. Sex was one thing but this seems more intimate somehow. It took a whole friggin decade before Alex was willing to stay over. Michael was used to waking up alone. He had stopped expecting anything else. So many things with Max were different, new even.

Without a word he pulls the covers down and climbs into bed, pulling Max down with him.]
You’re staying, right?
cosmiccowboy: (Watching)

[personal profile] cosmiccowboy 2023-04-04 07:03 pm (UTC)(link)
[The rational part of his brain knew there was no question if Max was staying. Of course he would stay but he still felt relief at hearing it out loud. This was uncharted territory, for both of them.

Tangled up sharing body heat under the cool sheets, Michael can’t help but feel like it was always meant to be this way. Their bodies were so in sync down to the beating of their hearts. He watches Max for a long moment in silence, enjoying the quiet comfort of holding the person he loves most in the world and he can feel the pull of sleep but the things Max said about Duplicity keep playing over in his mind.]


Max, [His voice was quiet in the dark calm of the room.] I would never be embarrassed of you. I hate that there was a version of me even there making you feel like that. Never again.